Boundaries: Where to Draw the Line and Determine How Others Treat You

Boundaries where to draw the line

It is up to you to keep drawing the line because you determine how others treat you

How often have you done something for someone at the detriment of your own projects? Right! Probably more times than you can remember. But this has got to stop. Constantly doing things for other people will not only drain you of all your energy, but open up more vicious cycles of people constantly disrespecting your boundaries.

God wants you to have a balanced life just the way He does. And you can only achieve this when you go back to the drawing board, identify where all the boundary problems are coming from, and find a way to nip them in the bud.

Balance is a prime key to a productive life, the ticket to a realm of limitlessness.

This tidbit explains ineptly what boundaries mean, how they are formed, and why they are important to you as a Christian. Keep reading to find out how your life can take on a new dimension because of your boundaries.

Boundaries will help you keep the bad things out and let all the good in.

Boundaries are what define your identity and give you a sense of ownership. It is quite easy to recognize physical boundaries that separate one property from another but the problem comes when you have to differentiate spiritual and emotional boundaries.

Each person is responsible for their actions.

We begin to feel responsible for them all the time, forgetting that everyone is supposed to care for themselves.

God gives us the perfect example of boundaries. He is a separate being and is responsible for Himself. He limits the things He allows and makes them known through the laws in the Bible.

Examples of boundaries are:

  • Skin: this defines you and nobody should be able to invade this boundary
    Words: your words can create a good protection against others. Simply saying No can make others aware of this boundary
  • Truth: knowing the truth about God puts a limit on the things you do. There is always safety in truth
  • Geographical distance: physically removing yourself from a situation will help you maintain boundaries. It can be a good way to get rid of abusive relationships
  • Time: it is often said that time heals all wounds. Taking time off a person or a project can be a good way to regain control
  • Emotional distance: this is a temporary boundary to give your heart the space it needs to feel safe
  • Other people: other people can be your support system for the boundaries you need to set

A good reason why others won’t cross our boundaries is the consequence we attach to their doing that. We need to let people know the seriousness of our boundaries so that they are encouraged to respect them and create their own.

When we don’t set limits even while helping others, there is a chance that we lose something in the process.

Boundaries can be difficult to create, but in the end, the benefits are more than worth it

There are so many boundary problems and your reaction to them can affect your relationships and your personality.

When you have a boundary problem, it may fall into one of these categories:

  • Complaints: quite often, parents teach children directly or not to always say yes. This means whatever anyone does is fine. This is wrong because it makes them give in easily to the whims of others. The inability to say no or the presence of unclear boundaries is a sign that an individual is compliant and can’t say no when it matters.
  • Avoidants: saying no to the good and refusing to ask for help is a sign that an individual is avoiding help. This results in a lot of unmet needs. They have boundaries where they don’t need them and set no boundaries where they need them. They can’t hear the yes that others are telling them.
  • Controllers: these people don’t respect other people’s boundaries. They resist taking responsibility for their own lives and have a need to control others. They can be aggressive or manipulative. They can’t hear no; they cross other people’s boundaries at will.
  • Non–responsive: when you don’t hear the needs of others, you can’t respond to them. They find it difficult to say yes to others.

The knowledge you have of yourself will help you discover your boundary problem.

We all need boundaries regardless of whether they are functional ones needed to complete a task, or relational ones needed to speak the truth to others.

Boundaries take time and a lot of commitment to develop; you need to stick with the process

At the very early stages of life, character is formed and is a determinant of how much boundaries you will be able to form.

You need to grow your boundaries; they can’t be inherited.

Bonding, separation and individuation are necessary to form boundaries successfully. You can’t develop boundaries in a vacuum. Hence, bonding helps you build the necessary support from friends, family and God.

Every child passes through the stage of hatching, practicing and rapprochement to find who they really are. Separation and Individuation is the stage where identity is formed. While interacting with others, you will definitely come in contact with hurt people who do not encourage your own boundaries. Nobody enjoys being told no, even parents.

Boundaries are no fun, but you need to enforce them.

Another way people react to boundaries is shifting the gear to “overcontrol.” In a bid to protect a child from making mistakes, parents try to shield their children by making strict rules. This only makes them rigid in their thinking.

Lack of limits is the opposite of hostility. It makes children blind to other people’s boundaries. Inconsistent limits, on the contrary, sends conflicting messages. Parents for example can make it very difficult for children to follow through with their boundaries, through the limits they set.

Constantly switching sides can confuse your child’s limits.

Other factors that can make boundaries difficult to maintain are tragic events or even our own sinfulness. God in Romans 8:2 promised us salvation even in the midst of the troubles that assail us.

I was born of a different breed, the crazy kind who embraces the idea that humans are limitless; the minority who loves to question the standards; the ones who dream the impossible.